Posts Tagged ‘ humor ’

It’s Cold In Here

Nope, the title isn’t a reference to the temperature outside. It is actually a patient quote.
Let me explain.

This is a flashback to the PACU floor. At school the other day, we were having a conversation about our very first catheter insertion on a real live, breathing person.
Mine was in the PACU. My patient was super distended, in lots of pain, and asking if there was anything we could do to make him void since it was so uncomfortable.

“Sure!”, my instructor said. “What would you do in this situation?”

I assessed his stomach and found he was extremely distended. I gave him the urinal to try once more on his own and of course closed the curtain for privacy.
Nothing.

Straight cath was the next option. His MD happened to stroll in and checked him out. He reached the same conclusion and gave the go-ahead.

I was nervous, feeling ill prepared. I hadn’t expected to do any catheters here and hadn’t reviewed.

“Calm down,” Mrs. D said. We reviewed the steps. Easy.

So, I get to work. As I’m wiping with Betadine, my patient- still groggy from anesthesia- decides it is a good idea to start talking to me.

“Hey, just so you know, it’s really cold in here,” he said with eyes half-mast.

“Oh. Uh-huh,” I nervously reply with an awkward chuckle. I mean, what do you say to that?
I insert the catheter and am having trouble getting it past the prostate. My coassigned nurse comes over and teaches me how to “walk the catheter in” because it keeps popping back out the second I let go.

“Yeah, it’s just cold in here. Just so everyone knows,” my patient states again.
More nervous laughter.

My coassigned and I finally get the catheter in and he leaves me to drain it. It was slow going. 800ml slowly drained. (Note: never drain more than 1000ml at a time!)
And while it drained, my patient decides to triple check and make sure I knew the temperature of the room.
Hint: it was not warm.

Thanks male patient. Long story short, I successfully completed my first straight cath and it was incredibly awkward.
Any good stories from you guys?

Love,
Laney

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M-isms

On poor dosage test grades: “That’s the problem with y’all. I give you this nice good book and you don’t even use it. Shameful.”

On getting the class quiet: “Really! Hush up! Y’all couldn’t not talk to save your own lives.”

M-isms #10

On some women not liking diaphragms/cervical caps: “You gotta ask though because some women won’t like it- they get freaky about touching themselves.”

M-isms #9

On how to use drugs: “Well, I don’t know. They sniff it or whatever it is they do with the crack.”

For the new readers, you can find out where M-isms come from here.
=]

M-isms #8

On why you take a diaphragm out within 24 hours: “Oh the horror stories I could tell you. We had this woman come in with a horrible infection- she had her diaphragm in for a week. Oh yes, imagine the smell that followed her around!”

M-isms #7

On African-American babies sometimes looking light-skinned when first born: “Sometimes, you gotta calm daddy down- maybe call security. They see this light baby and start thinking, I dunno, maybe mom was fooling around! But, then you show them the ears and the privates and say ‘See? They’re dark! White babies don’t look like that.'”

M-isms #6

On patient being hypothermic: “Now let me tell you, she was as cold as dead!”