Posts Tagged ‘ blah! ’

Timing is Everything.

I was out of school not even 5 days when we got the email for N-3000 requirements. It was to the tune of “Enjoy your break…but don’t forget that the first day of class is a lab so come in proper clinical/lab attire. Oh, and we need your immunization records and CPR cards. Oh, and we need verification that all your online training in modules A-Q are done by the first day of class. Oh, and tuition is due by the first day so you can go to orientation. Oh, and your new syllabus and schedules are up. OH! Enjoy your break!”

And then of course, working 3 in a row is always a picnic. I’ve got my 3rd day tomorrow which will undoubtedly mean I’ll be grumpy.

And Ishaq/I just picked/ended a stupid/superstupid argument/misunderstanding –> a further worsened mood.

Good one, world. You win this round.
Let’s be friends tomorrow? “Pretty, please?”

Dash made my night so much better. By like ten.trillion times. Best friends are…well, the best! And for that I’m grateful.

Love,
Laney

[photo cred here]

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So lame.

I admit it. I’m totally lame.
Today was class elections and I wasn’t very assertive. I can be assertive when it comes to my family or my client. But if it’s just something for myself, I don’t really like putting myself out there. Last semester, I was class VP and this semester I decided to run for President since ours was stepping down.
I was nominated for both and didn’t take my name off the VP side or really promote myself. As a result, since I was the only one listed for VP, that’s what I was elected in for again. Which is fine! I just want to be involved.
But it’s frustrating since I did all of the Presidential work last semester and now I have to be under someone who hasn’t done class government at all. After the elections she asked me if I wanted to schedule a meeting with our advisor to plan the semester. But it doesn’t really work that way. And she didn’t tell me she wanted to run. She said she was going to run for secretary but got another classmate to nominate her cause she really, really wanted to be President. Bah!

I’m frustrated with myself for never really saying when I want something. I just don’t like the chance of rejection. It’s weird and lame, I know.

I ran for office in 6th grade when I transferred into a different middle school. I didn’t realize it was a popularity contest more than anything, so I didn’t get it and was totally devastated. I didn’t run for anything again until last semester. And I kinda have that feeling again. It was bugging me all day, but I couldn’t really admit it to myself until just now. I told Ishaq and now I feel better. A lot better actually. Just some slight feelings of vulnerability.

I don’t think I’ll try again next semester, however. Blargh. What I wouldn’t give to be confident and great at public speaking.

Until then….

Self-Reflection?

Ugh, sometimes it feels we can’t catch a break. As soon as we get ahead in one way, something else comes up. Typical.

But it doesn’t matter. I’m happy! I’ve got a wonderful husband and a job that pays the bills. That’s what matters, right?

I can’t believe that it’s already been a year since school started. I feel like I’ve learned so much…too much. I see changes in myself too. I had a conversation about it with my mom last night actually. I’m less timid and can speak in front of large groups of people without having increased respirations or a rapid pulse like before. I can hold my own in argument with more confidence when I know I’m right.
I’ve stopped caring about kids my age thinking I’m lame cause I’d rather stay in and watch a TV marathon or play Halo all night instead of going out to the club. And the drama at school? No, thank you. I’ve also gotten better at saying ‘no’. Not an easy thing to do usually. I don’t want to go out to a bar and drink and get hit on by guys (or girls) because my husband is at home and I miss him. I’d rather drink with a few close friends at home. My mom used to say I was 14 going on 40. Mreh, that’s how I like it. I don’t like ginormous parties where you don’t know anyone and its awkward introductions. I like my couch. Or my bed. Scratch that. I like my couch, I LOVE my bed. It’s uber-comfy.
Oh, and my spare time. I’ve learned how to cherish it.
No, I don’t want to go to the mall and spend money I don’t have on my day off. I want to stay in and sleep and eat lots of food that requires the belt to be taken off. I even want to read a little bit so that I don’t fall behind. If nothing else, I can think of one thing that everyone in my class agrees on:
Friends and family who have never been nor plan on going, truly do not understand how hellacious nursing school is.
You can tell stories about what you learned and the dreaded phrase “skills check-off”, but it doesn’t hold the same weight as when you talk to another nurse/student.
I told my nurse manager the other day that I needed to come off of my hours b/c I had just attended clinical orientation. She stopped me mid-sentence and said “I understand, nursing school still gives me nightmares 20 years later”. You see?!!?!?

I love you nursing school, but I hate you. Longest year and a half to go ever.

PS- I realize this post is a rambling mess. Kinda like me. Blargh.

I suck? Yeah, I know.

I had kept visiting here meaning and simply hadn’t had the time or energy. Lame. But my friend Kev mentioned it today so I’m back!!
And I’ve got a story or two.

I gave medications for the first time on Tuesday the 7th (not last week, but the week before) and I’m proud to announce that he’s still alive!! Very nervewracking since, prior to administering them, you have to talk about each medication in depth with the instructor. Lucky me had 12 so it took about an hour. Bleh.
I DID however, get out of giving him the hydrocortisone/pramoxine cream!! Why so excited? Because I would have had to apply it directly to the hemorrhoids on his anus. Mmm.
Luckily he had already showered and had bowel movements so I didn’t have to do that.

Last week I went home from clinicals early because I wasn’t feeling well. I did have a pt. who was a little paranoid accusing me of breaking doctor-patient confidentiality since I had to talk to his Nurse Practitioner (NP) about his condition.
It’s like, you don’t want to hurt or upset your patient at all but you still have to stand by what you think is right and advocate for them. This pt. had been diagnosed with a new/rare disease and wanted me and the girl I was training to our floor to find information out for him secretly. He thought his NP was trying to keep info. from him. Very dramatic.

Haze.

Well, yesterday I was feeling a little depressed. But a visit to my family and wonderful curry made by Isaac cheered me right up!

So, orientation is officially over and I am already busy. My friend BC and I printed out all of our assignments and excercises and whatnots for the semester…it took two reams of printer paper. Talk about killing trees. My tree-hugging soul was very sad.

I’m going to make an effort to go out and do some volunteering locally to make up for it at some point.

I found out that with the exception of two days (MLK holiday and a random day in February) I have either work or school 7 days a week until March 9th when Spring Break starts. Blah. ::cue depression::

Brighter note: Things are looking up homework wise. I have this bad habit about procrastinating. But I’ve finished all my homework that’s due tomorrow already. I was done with most of it Friday, but did my article today…so that’s good.

I’m also running for Class Vice President of the Student Government Association. Some other girl is running against me, but I’m crossing my fingers! I want to be real involved this time around.

Study session on Friday with AC, SG, and BC which ended up in a dance session and YouTube marathon. But we got some work accomplished, so I say it was a success!!

Need to work on a concept map due Wed, but I’ve done the hard part already (research).

Dash is going back up to school in the mountains. Well she went Saturday. I am going to miss her terribly. Oh! But she did find a wicked cute bridesmaids dress. So, hopefully, we’ll be able to order that soon.

Ummm, I don’t really know what else to write about at the moment. It’s all a haze.

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

It’s so easy to type stories to blogs and tell the surface stories. But the nitty and gritty, it’s easy to sometimes hold it back cause, I mean, there are people on the other side of the screen reading all your secrets. You know?

Granted, some people can spout everything because their anonymity behind the computer gives off confidence. But not me. I have a mental block.

So, today, I’m giving you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

I’m scared. School starts in two days and I am excited for it. But at the same time I am completely and utterly terrified for the amount of work and stress I have signed myself up for. Ask anyone with experience and you will find that nursing school is hellacious and will be one of the hardest things they/I will do in our lifetimes.

In wanting to keep our house, I will work Saturdays and Sundays. School will be attended Monday through Thursday with some Fridays. I’m going to miss my husband a lot. But we have a game plan. We still go on dates at least once a week and have made a pact to have a date night throughout school.

Yesterday he took me out for Indian food (my favorite!), thrift store browsing, and then to the Ackland Art Museum. It was perfect. We went home and ate brownies while watching Slumdog Millionaire which was a fantastic movie. The day was beautiful.

Anyways, back to my future. I was at a New Years party and one of my friends was telling me that I have everything together and know what I’m doing with myself while she doesn’t yet. But, I’m finding that having a plan isn’t any easier than not. The two scenarios just come with different stresses and different expectations.

Ho hum. That’s all you get.

🙂

Too good to be true.

The house inspection came back clean, our loan was approved, the house was getting more and more perfect for us each time we went to visit. And now:

Everything has fallen apart. Because the loan officer did not know about the house needing to be built before 1978, we are now ineligible for the downpayment assistance program for first time homebuyers that we have been banking on. We missed it by four years.

I knew I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up like Isaac didn’t. But everything was coming along so effortlessly, it was so perfect- almost too good to be true.

And now, we aren’t going to be able to get the house because we don’t have the 4000 to be able to put down before the end of November.

And the likelihood of us finding another perfect house that we like before the end of November is unlikely. Which is when we have to let our landlords know if we are renewing our lease or not. And month-to-month renting is just way too expensive.

Today is a hard day. I’m just a tad depressed. I got far too excited for the house and had fallen even more in love with it during the home inspection the other day. Ugh.

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