Quotes per M.M. #1
My theory instructor is this older Caucasian woman who is absolutely hilarious. She’s one of those people that likes to say things for shock value and knows she can get away with it since she is older. She’s been in the medical field for 46 years, nursing for well over 30, and is the resident expert on “everything to do with birthing babies” according to the Head of the School.
So far, there has been an outrageous, jaw-dropping quote each day. Something that the whole class burts into laughter and/or gapes open-mouthed at each other trying to clarify that, yes, she did just say that.
Here are some to catch you up. After this, I’ll try to post some every couple of days.
On adolescents and toddlers: “They’re really in the same developmental stage. They both like to push boundaries and they both like the word ‘No’.”
On breastfeeding: “It’s kinda like Chinese food. They eat, get full, and a few hours later, they’re hungry again!”
On parents’ worries: “Now, these are just guidelines for the developmental milestones. Some babies do them earlier than others. But, you have to watch out for these parents because if they miss a milestone they start thinking they have a retard on their hands…”
On breasts after having a baby: “It’s full like, like, I don’t want to be gross, but like a cow!”
On being able to work a cervical cap contraceptive that needs to be inserted several hours before intercourse: “For instance, if you know daddy’s coming home and you’ve got dinner on you can go put it in and…”
On female condoms after being asked where the other end goes: “It goes on his penis. IT’S A CONDOM! Geez, you’re worst than my teenagers [the ones she teaches sex ed to].”
On babies: “You little Afro-American babies are the cutest babies. I have never seen an ugly Afro-American baby. Now the Caucasian babies are, oh yes, they’re ugly.”
On the difference between heroin and crack babies: “I can’t stand heroin babies. They’re the worst to comfort and have this shrill cry…I kinda like little crack babies though.”
More to come!
[photo cred here.]