Tain’t Cheap.

What’s not cheap? Being an “adult”. Being in nursing school. Owning a home. Having a family. Not having a trust fund back east.
Being an adult in nursing school with a home and a family and no trust fund back east really takes the cake though. (Although medical bills, emergencies, car troubles, etc etc would make the list as well).

Tain’t cheap and I am sure feeling it.
Let me warn you now that this post is not all butterflies and sunshine. It’s one of those self-reflections and observation kind-of post where I talk myself into some sort of sense.
I digress.

The last couple of months since second semester began has been kind of rough. Ishaq and I got back early from our honeymoon hoping to save money. The wedding was great (and done for under $2000 total).
School started, surprise bills came up.
We’re still trying to pay off Ishaq’s loan from our 4-year college where we left after a semester so that he can start up at my nursing school. They won’t let him in without a transcript though. And we can’t get a transcript until the loan is paid off. We can’t get the loan paid off because the financial aid was supposed to pay it in the first place. They decided not to pay it since Ishaq’s father put false numbers on the application and they got audited and dropped. After it got dropped, through no fault of our own, we got stuck with the semester’s payment. Snowball effect, much?
Anyways, last week, Ishaq’s car got broken into and one of my old debit cards stolen along with his stereo (which didn’t have the face on it mind you, meaning they stole it and can’t use it). We had 9 dollars to get us through the rest of the week. Our bank balance went negative due to an unprocessed check from a month before. We have zero in savings thanks to the wedding and school. This happened 3 days after I decided to take a day off of work each week and switch from 36 hours to 24 hours a week in the hopes that my grades would be better in school. I drove to school with my low fuel light coming on halfway there. I tried to stop at the gas station on my way home and found out my credit card was maxed out. So I drove all the way home in the 90 degree heat while speeding and praying I would not get pulled over and that I would make it home without my car dying. Luckily, Miguel (my red car) got me home safe and sound.
Ishaq was a champ and tore our house apart finding 6 bucks in dollars and 4 in change so that we could both get to work and school the next day.
Luckily we got a paid a couple of days later.

But it’s after weeks like that, that I sit back and wonder if I’m going to make it through the next year and a half. I constantly feel this fear that I’m going to fail academically or financially. If I fail academically, I have to start the whole program over since they started a new curriculum. It wouldn’t be repeating one semester, it would be a year’s tuition down the drain. And we can’t afford to repeat. Plus, Ishaq can’t go to school until I’m done. And he’s been ever-so-patient. If I fail financially, I lose everything. CONUNDRUM.

We have a plan for success. I graduate, he goes to school, I work to put him through, he graduates, works for a year, we move to Boston and then travel nurse. That’s the tentative plan.
I just want so much. I want to be stable. I want to be successful.

And I know we’ll get there. T.O from school always says that failure is not an option.
We WILL get there.

It’s just that the process tain’t cheap.

    • S.
    • September 1st, 2009

    You know…considering you seem to be way mature for your age to begin with, I think you’re already ahead of the pack.
    Also, consider the money RN’s make. Just make it through school and become an RN, and you’ll have all these fantastic benefits plus a good chunk of money.
    I doubt you need it, but good luck!

    • MP
    • September 1st, 2009

    interesting post… i’ve been where you are, just keep your chin up. life is an adventure and this will make a great story to tell your kids one day. and things just have a habit of working out most of the time, dont let it get you down.

  1. you have some really good posts here. Im going to spend the next few days reading them. i love your writing style and Iā€™m really happy to visited your blog. keep those posts coming

  2. I echo others sentiments. Hang in there. Figure out how to survive no matter what. Don’t give up. It truly is worth it in the end. It’s worth all of it.
    I too had similar troubles (not as severe, but nonetheless difficult) during school. It down right sucks at the time.. and yes you will look back on this and smile or laugh. But in the moment there isn’t much you can say to make you feel better.
    Stay strong.

  3. Thanks for the support everyone. Forging ahead I go.

    • ctvtannie
    • September 12th, 2009

    I’m a nursing student. With a family. and Extremely limited funds. I feel your pain. Hang in there. As they say – “It will all be worth it in the end.”

    I’m jealous of your job! I’m in an accelerated program and I moved states to go to it. So I left my old ER job for school. Because my program is so fast and furious, there isn’t time to train in a new position. Nor will anyone give me a chance since I’ll be going from student nurse to Real Nurse so fast.

    You can do it. I can tell from your posts that you have a heap of empathy and the powers to do this…..

    High five, sista.

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