Archive for June, 2009

Group of Five

They say when a death occurs, it always comes in groups of three or five.
Whoever said that got it right on the money. I’ve always seen this to be true…at least when working in the PICU.

We’ve lost 4 in the last 15 hours. Two were expected and the families withdrew. Two were unexpected. One was a staple in the unit and we were all hoping for her to leave. This onehad been here for the full 3 months of their life and just needed one more month to get big enough for her operation. One had an operation and was supposed to walk away from it.

Another passed a couple of days ago from heart defects.

That makes a total of 5.

In this last week, I’ve seen more and done more than before. I acted as NA on the overnight shift a few days ago running between procedure carts, code carts, storage rooms, and the patient’s room itself.

Today, I recorded everything that happened during the code. Every med pushed in and every stop or start of compressions. Every shock given, every vital noted.
That went on for an hour. I was okay untill the family came in.
They screamed and screamed and screamed. And when I say screamed, I truly mean hands raised yelling at all of us from one while the other was yelling at God and beating his fists on the floor.
That’s the second family they’ve lost in 8 months.

So many children. God. We can go for months without losing one and then when death finally hits, it hits oh-so-hard.

Today, I am overwhelmed.
Today was hard.


No Doubt.


Yep. Isaac and I saw No Doubt and Paramore in Raleigh Monday night. It was pretty sweet. I particularly enjoyed hiking back to our car barefoot. And the older couple next to us rocking out to Paramore. They were really into it. Like, REALLY into it.

And 5 women who looked like stay-at-home mom’s ran by laughing with their beers and fist pumping at one point. Isaac said that was gonna be me after 5 kids. I said that they looked like 5 Auntie Jamies running by.

I also got a sweet hat in the mail, homemade. Thanks!!
You can check her out here:

She makes other stuff too and is a photographer.

Anyhoo, hung out with my sister today and baked up some samples of my wedding cupcakes. Delicious!!
I’m very excited.

That’s all for today. Work tomorrow. Ho HUM!

And the number of the day is….

Summer means back to working night shifts. Alas. I have to say though, Friday went by quite well.
Saturday night? Not so much.
My CRNA-friend-in-training is one of my favorite RNs to work with (when he’s not an asshole, jayplay) and I will call him Al since the other name has gotten to be quite long and I don’t feel like typing it that much for this post.

Anyways, I was counting on him to make the night go by quickly and just the opposite happened. TIME STOPPED.

Not literally, but that’s really what it felt like. Unfortunately. So how did we pass time? Teasing people of course!
And before you get all in a huff, you have to realize that joking around is what gets you through the shift in what could be a potentially depressing and upsetting environment. Cause, sick babies are not cool. And without humor, half of the family members would make you an angry alcoholic.

I digress.

So half my job is crowd control. And I often have to repeat myself till my voice goes hoarse b/c some family members either (1.) really do not get it or (2.) think they are above the system.
Usually the latter.

Family came in and I see them on the monitor with over 4 adults and over 4 children. The phone rings to be let in and I explain the unit’s policy for no children under 12 at this time and 2 adults may enter at one time ONLY.
They say okay, doors swing open. In walk 3 adults and 3 children.
Let’s try this from the top.
2 adults, no children.

Hours later, the phone rings again (around 2 in the morning). I say that TWO adults may switch out the the TWO that are in the room.
“Uh-huh”, says the phone.
In walk 3.

Al says: “2-2+3….that does not equal two.” My sentiments exactly!
Before I can go to the other side to talk to the family, the phone rings again. Seriously, not even 30 seconds later. I explain that I need to let them know to switch out.
“But I’m Grandma”

Picture a really angry person yelling loudly with no teeth. That’s how she sounded a little while later.

I also had a father from another room comparing the unit to a prison (have you been??) and playing rap and RnB music in the public hallway bathrooms at around 4:15AM.

Oh the life of the PICU…overnight!

Parting advice for today:

And the number of the day is.....

And the number of the day is.....


Woah nelly. That’s rough.

Man. I am still irrational. Just as ever. It’s just been hidden for two years. I got into an argument with Ishaq today. Not really an argument. And…not really today.
It was on the drive home.

A conversation turned into a debate turned into anxiousness and defensiveness (on my part).

Woah nelly. Haven’t felt like that in two years. After 10 minutes or so, I sorted myself out. I used to get into debates and each time I made a point I would get cut off or told why that point was wrong.
That was in the works of happening tonight and it stirred up a panic and…well, I realized that I’m still weird inside sometimes.

But everyone has their something, right?