Group of Five

They say when a death occurs, it always comes in groups of three or five.
Whoever said that got it right on the money. I’ve always seen this to be true…at least when working in the PICU.

We’ve lost 4 in the last 15 hours. Two were expected and the families withdrew. Two were unexpected. One was a staple in the unit and we were all hoping for her to leave. This onehad been here for the full 3 months of their life and just needed one more month to get big enough for her operation. One had an operation and was supposed to walk away from it.

Another passed a couple of days ago from heart defects.

That makes a total of 5.

In this last week, I’ve seen more and done more than before. I acted as NA on the overnight shift a few days ago running between procedure carts, code carts, storage rooms, and the patient’s room itself.

Today, I recorded everything that happened during the code. Every med pushed in and every stop or start of compressions. Every shock given, every vital noted.
That went on for an hour. I was okay untill the family came in.
They screamed and screamed and screamed. And when I say screamed, I truly mean hands raised yelling at all of us from one while the other was yelling at God and beating his fists on the floor.
That’s the second family they’ve lost in 8 months.

So many children. God. We can go for months without losing one and then when death finally hits, it hits oh-so-hard.

Today, I am overwhelmed.
Today was hard.